An Apology

I am sorry.

For the things that I have done.

For the things that I have said.

For making our life a mess.

For putting you through hell.

I am sorry.

For not understanding your feelings.

For not being there when I was needed.

For letting you down. 

For hurting you. 

I am sorry.

For the scars that I have given you.

For the pain that you have now because of me.

For breaking your trust.

For breaking your heart.

 I am sorry, I ruined the dream of us being together.

Not just over any girl

 "Seriously dude, you are willing to go that far just because of a girl. Are you stupid? Who does that in today's world? You are being naive. Move on, you will get much better than her"

Whenever I listen to this supposition I really get upset. Not only because they are wrong, but they're actually far away from the truth. And while saying this, they form a conjecture about you and your actions. It's like a taboo for them, that we don't have to do that stuff just for a girl. But I don't understand why they have to do that? Just because they think it's just a girl, like many others in this world. I wonder how people even decide she isn't worth any of your efforts. 

Part - 1

I believe, growing up as a girl in today's world is itself like losing illusion of this perfect world. Standing tall at times on the cusp of every breakdown, acting valiant even in her low times and most importantly putting all these facades together just to show that she is okay. And despite all the troubles, she never forgets to show her care and love. She remains there for you whether the situation is good or bad. I believe a girl holds more pain, more love inside her than we can ever imagine. Yes, many times she will be confused about life, about you because she has a lot going through her mind. It doesn't mean she is forgetting about you. You wouldn't know, but deep down she always try her best to be the one you asked for. Even after this, how can anyone say she isn't worth the effort? Instead of understanding her, supporting her, you choose to leave her. Suddenly she becomes a baggage to you and you decide to lay that down.

Part - 2

It's not because of any girl - As there are many things attached to it but normally people wouldn't notice that. Let me say this as what I think it should be, I don't know about being right or wrong. But this is what I feel.

She is family. Okay.

I love her so much that I consider her my family. So yes, I am willing to go that far for her because she is family. Just like anyone would do that for their family. Also, it’s about the connection I feel when I am with her. The feeling I get and I know it's real. So if I strongly believe this is real, then why should I put a stop to my efforts?

I love her unconditionally like parents do to me. It's not easy, neither it should be. There shouldn't be any question of whom do I love more, my parents or her? Why? Let me ask you then, do our parents compete with each other or love one child more than other? I don't think so. If they aren't doing it then why should I? After all, I believe she is family. I just want to say that I love both of them and I am fully aware of my responsibility as a son and as a lover too.

I love her. Okay.

You can get much better than her - I practically laugh at this point. Seriously am I here for shopping? She is already the best and I already feel much better and more than anyone in this world would know about this, is me. Because I feel it.  Not you, not you and not anyone else. 

What I feel is true. Okay.

I believe in all of these and many more things. That’s why I don't like when people just say dude, just over a girl? Yes, she is worth lot more than my efforts ever will be. 

She should not be just any girl for you. She should be the one for you.

I'm not done yet, I've more to me than you know.

Why they give up?

I still don't get this thing. When people decide to do something, then why do they give up? I personally find this notion very annoying and inexcusable. Why proclaim something with whole heart at first and then after a while just drift apart from doing it. Why?
Is it because you are losing everything and heading nowhere? Is it because it's too much for you to put all your efforts for such a trivial thing?
Is it because everyone around you is saying it's not possible?

If that's the case, then why proclaim at first to do it and end up doing something else? Why strive hard enough to make that dream possible and leave it in the middle just to be nothing? No one said it would be easy to pursue something in which you believe in. After all, nothing can or will ever justify this very ghastly act of giving up.

Just to be supportive of the above statements, I would like to share something with you.

If you fail your exams that doesn't mean you will give up. You will try next year, right?
If you are unemployed and finding a job then you will not give up. You will find a way to make your living, right? Even many new startups are emerging nowadays, most of them are failing and among them very few are only trying again, that's what I call commendable.

This simply boils down to one simple fact that you don't have to give up if you truly believe in something. You just need to work through it. It might be tough for you but I am sure determination will never betray you. But by giving up, you are failing yourself, you are giving up on your own ideas, your own dreams, you are thrashing yourself to your own
abyss of mind. And that is repugnant.

I have seen many people giving up, just dropping their thoughts and dreams to rest and trying to move on by suppressing it to another dimension of their mind. But let me remind you, this will be in your mind as a regret or as a road not taken. You wouldn't know if you haven't tried it. Right? What if you might have just succeeded if you would have tried harder? You just assume that things will not work at all. With such negativity, yes they will never work, ever. You can't be a pessimist and expect a Maserati in your parking lot.

One more thing, i would like to add in order to support my credence is that, many great people have inspired us to do many things but one thing was very common in them.
 
"They didn't give up"
"They didn't give up for what they believe, despite all the strident voices of people around them who said it's not possible."

They aspire themselves for what they believe in, they came across many hurdles but they didn't budge. I am sure they all were crestfallen at some point in their life but no matter what they continued to believe in their ideas. We laugh at the idea of doing something which has never been done before, don't we? But when someone takes all the criticism and still does it with their whole heart, we are bound to praise it, right?
For instance, that guy who made a path through the mountains, that girl with prosthetic leg who climbed the Mount Everest and there are many more. Regardless of their situation they never gave up, they did it anyway.

So back to my question, Why can't we follow that same principle in our own life?
They were not born special, they made themselves special, is what I believe.

And I have no intention of giving up either on my dreams or my loved ones. A lot of people will say, you are insane, you can't do that. But guess what, I will never know if I don't try, right? So I will never give up just because people are scared even to imagine that something at that level is possible. I remember her saying that once,
"You will hate me one day" and I replied smiling to that  "I have loved you more than everything. How will I ever hate you because of anything".
I said that to her because I truly believe in that. I am not that guy who is reticent about his personal matters. I speak what I feel, I write what I feel. So yes, for me feeling is germane to my very existence. I don't want to suppress anything or be in any kind of facade just to show the world how tough I can be. I want to show everyone that

 "At times I may be weak,
     At times I may be strong,
        I can't say I will always win,
            But I am sure I will never give up"

                                                                              --rv diary

Just Another Fight ..!!

Number of days passed by,

Puddle of tears every night,

Its not only "the smile",

Even my presence is also a lie...

I try everyday to be storng,

Pretending to be happy while everything is wrong,

Its just not me,

Its who you want me to be...

You asked me to wait,

You asked me to stop,

Even though i can't bear the thought, 

I did what you said in one shot...

But this isn't right,

It was supposed to be "just another fight",

So instead of being quiet,

Can't you make everything alright?

                                                 -- rv_diary

Being hopeful

Being hopeful...

This may sound an easy task to do but its not.

In the beginning it might seem an easy thing to do as we are just waiting for the thing which we are hoping for, to come true but with the passage of time, it becomes more difficult to keep up that hope.

And as it become more back-breaking with the time, we start to question out ourselves like what if we are hoping for the wrong thing? What if it never comes true?

Unfortunately these self created questions dwindle our beliefs and eventually we lose hope. And when people ask or something else reminds of it, we try to convince ourselves and to others by explaining that how stupid it was or that it was a mistake or anyway it wasn't going to work even if it came true.

I really don't understand why would they do that for? Just because it's not happening at that moment or its because it has been a month or a year ?? 

It certainly can't be that stupid because you started to hope for it in the first place and you have been hoping since , till this very moment.

Even i heard from many people that if its not happening and its been a while then we should stop ourself from hoping and move on.

So this means :

We (humans) have an amazing yet very sad tendency to hope for something which doesn't exist at present , ONLY for a certain period of time and when we get tired of waiting , we simply give up. 

We put down all our beliefs, entire faith to rest.

Isn't it ludicrous?

If i remember correctly ,i once read this line by a famous personality about hope :

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope"

So yes we may face some hurdles while traveling but we should never bow down. We must have hope as it is a reminder to us that there can be a way.

So I am being hopeful , are you ?